My love for Zaylen reaches deeper in my heart than any other love I've known. I love my family very dearly. I love my husband immensely and he will always come first in my life, but those types of love are based on conditions. And my love for Zaylen is unconditional. I don't believe there is a pecking order on who we love most, I think love is spread evenly, but different types are more intense and filling than others. Conditional love is based on conditions/circumstances/situations. My love for friends and family is conditional. If someone seriously hurts me, is a bad influence, doesn't show love/respect, ect., then I'm going to excuse myself from that relationship. And yes this even includes family, I hate it has to be that way, but water is thicker than blood sometimes.
My love for Zak is conditional too. We made a vow to each other and to God saying we would stick by each other through the hard times and the good, and we hold strong to that, but the enemy is sneaky and there's nothing more he loves than putting his nose in healthy marriages. We are only human, we get attacked every day and we fall short, no matter how strong our faith is, that's just human nature. If Zak were to ever become abusive or get involved with other women, I would definitely try to mend our marriage first, but after a season of it I would have to excuse myself from that relationship as well. I know God intends for marriage to be a life long commitment, but I also think He doesn't want us to be stupid and get hurt in the process. I could go on all day about marriage and divorce, but the point I'm trying to get across is that my love for my husband is ultimately conditional.
Now, my love for my son is the first unconditional love I've ever known. There is nothing he could ever do or say that would make me love him any less. And there is also never anything he could do or say to make me close the door on our relationship. He is my son. He is half of me and I am half of him. I would give up my life right now just for him to be able to see another day. There is no greater love I have ever known. To me unconditional love has such powerful meaning that it's hard to put into words. It's showing Zaylen that I love him (not just saying it), it is proving it to him in every action I take and every word I speak. It's disciplining him (when the time comes! please don't think I spank or time out my two month old son!), Proverbs tells us "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Wow that's powerful stuff! Unconditional love is raising Zaylen to be a contributing member of society, pulling his weight and doing his share. It's teaching him real stuff, no matter how embarrassing or uncomfortable it may be. It's showing him a healthy marriage and how partners should respect and love one another! There are many other examples, but the one I want to close with is the most important. Unconditional love is shaping Zaylen to be a strong, fearing man of God. If I don't do anything else as a mother, this is my ultimate responsibility. Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."
There is something remarkably intimate about being a mother. It's more than holding Zaylen or rocking him and feeding him. It's more than playing with him or talking to him. That intimacy rises from the unconditional love I have for him; that sweet, precious mother's love.
