Natural, Instinctual, Attachment Parenting.
I want to first give you a few definitions...
Natural Parenting - The desire to live and parent responsively and consciously.
Instinctual Parenting - Parenting with personal feelings, following your "gut".
Attachment Parenting - Focusing on the nurturing connection that parents develop with their child.
We have chosen these parenting forms based on what we feel is best for our child. I understand that everyone has their own unique way of raising their children. This post is not designed to tell parents they are wrong, or to persuade parents to join our side. This post is however created to show people a glimpse of our parenting techniques and explain why and how we do things. Every family is different, every child is different, and I feel that every parent knows what is best for their own child. We have gotten more criticism that I could have ever imagined on our parenting road. This has given me an eye opening experience to how close minded our society really is. I have been questioned, concerns have been raised, I have been told "eww", gotten laughed at, and even been told I couldn't do things all by strangers, Zaylens pediatrician, and even my own family. How hurtful?? If I were endangering my child I would love to hear those things, but I'm not! So here we go, into a little piece of our life...
Let's start off with natural birth and breastfeeding. I believe these are the most powerful aspects of parenting naturally and they are the most primal things you can give your baby. Very unfortunately, I could not have either. But I still advocate for them 100%! A natural birth does not mean just delivering vaginally. It means preparing yourself, your partner, and your baby for a safe and peaceful entrance into the world. This is a vaginal birth with absolutely no drugs and a calm, loving environment. A natural birth is also not just the process of delivery, it's how to prepare during the nine months before you deliver. We prepared for this. We prepared from June 2013 to March 2014. And our plan was not Zaylens plan. He was almost a week late, I had zero signs of him coming at all, and because of his size and because he was not moving I had to have an emergency c-section. Not emergency in the sense he was here within the hour, but I was sent straight to the hospital during my appointment and started prepping for surgery an hour later. I also tried my absolute best to breastfeed! I took classes, read books and articles, talked to many women, and I was truly prepared to breastfeed. However, I wasn't prepared to not breastfeed, and I suffered very emotionally later for that. Zaylen could never latch right. We later found out he had tongue tie and that prevented him from getting a good latch. In the hospital I saw several lactation consultants, nurses, and Zays pediatrician, and none were able to help out. Breastfeeding was the most painful experience I have ever been through. It was worse than every tattoo and piercing combined. That is not an exaggeration. My nipples bled, cracked, swelled up, and I cried at every feeding. I literally could not push through and do it. I pumped for almost a month, but stopped that due to postpartum depression. I used to regret that I couldn't breastfeed and that I stopped pumping so we tried re-lactation when Zaylen was 4 months and he wanted nothing to do with it. He would not take my breasts at all! That brought on more regret and depression, but I think I'm mostly over it now. So even though my plans of a natural birth and breastfeeding were all thrown away, I still think they are best and we will see what happens with Baby Boober number 2!!
On to more natural things. I take into account everything I put into Zaylens body and on his skin. Other than Tylenol every now and then while he is cutting his teeth, I don't use any chemical cocktails for him. For teething I give him Hylands products, the teething gel and teething tablets (Tablets work best!). Hylands tablets are a miracle! They disolve easily and are made of all natural products. I am way against Orajel, I thought it was a good product and used it maybe 3 or 4 times while we were on vacation and needed something for Mister Teething, but found out it didn't help and we stopped using it and threw it away. Orajel actually causes the gums to toughen up and harden, which makes teething so much more painful for little ones because it's more to push through than their natural soft gums. But hey, it's just another capitalistic move...it builds up a babys gums so it takes longer to teethe and you end up buying more of their product then what you really need for a longer period of time. Another product I use is coconut oil (if you haven't had a chance, read my last post dedicated to coconut oil). I use this on his butt after a diaper change, on cuts and scrapes, and around his mouth to prevent breaking out from drool during teething. I tell you, teething can be a pain sometimes! I also use lotions and bath products that are free from dyes, parabens, phthalates, sulfates, and fragrances (except for certain brands with lavender). I feel these are super important in order to raise my baby as naturally as I can. Have you ever researched the make up of these chemicals? How about the short term and long term affects. It's disgusting.
Raising Zaylen as natural as possible is very easy. Our grandparents did it, their grandparents did it, humans have done it since the very first day of life! People all around the world are still doing it! So why are Western cultures set apart? Here's what I think...
Western cultures have adapted to convenience. There, I said. And we are also so blinded by capitalism. There, I said it again. Convenience and capitalism. Ugh, two ugly words that I could go on and on about.
Zaylen uses cloth diapers. Can you believe I have been told by family members that I can't do cloth?? I can't. I can't as in I will end up switching to disposibles because it's easier. I can't as in it's hard work. I can't as in that's not normal to do anymore. Well guess what? I can! And I AM! We started when Zaylen was almost a month old and we have been doing it ever since. I do admit that I used disposibles on a few long car rides (4-6 hours) and a few weeks ago I started using them on Zaylen during some nights. I was changing the sheets 4 times a week and waking up twice to clean pee from the whole bed, not fun. I hate that I have resorted to using them at night, but now with the help of 'elimination communication' I doubt I will be using anything at night pretty soon. (More on that later). My reasons for cloth diapering are very simple: cost, safety, environment. A parent who chooses disposable diapers spends on average $2,000 to $3,000 for diapers between birth and potty training. There are tons of websites that have done the math depending on how often a diaper should be changed, different brands of diapers, and this includes different sizes of diapers too. Want to know how much I've spent on diapers? $200. Yes, $200. This doesn't include the few packs of disposables I have bought. A lot of mothers argue the costs of washing, drying, and detergent. My water bill is under $20 every month, I line dry the diapers (inside and outside) so my energy bill doesn't go up because of that, and I spent $30 on cloth friendly detergent that I bought in February. So overall I think I'm saving a ton of money. Cloth diapers are way more safe than disposables. The amount of chemicals in diapers is sickening. And last, I use them for environmental purposes. Now, I am not all for "saving the planet" and all that. However, I do believe we are to treat Mother Earth with respect and kindness. Have you seen pictures of the smog in China? How about baby penguins covered in oil? It's nasty. That's not the world we were given and we should take responsibility and do our part to make it a clean place to live in. I also want to make the world safe for Zaylens generation, my grandchildrens generation, and so forth. There isn't exact knowledge of how long it takes one diaper to decompose, but it is estimated about 500 years!! Wow. That is one diaper. So by using cloth I am able to help out our land by not allowing thousands of diapers just from my child to sit and rot away for hundreds of years. I think I should start a separate post on cloth diapering, there is too much information.
One last natural topic I want to share, elimination communication. This is essentially potty training for an infant. I don't like the term 'potty training'. Our babies already know how to eliminate their waste. Western cultures have adopted this idea to "train" our babies how to use a diaper (soley for our convenience) and then "re-train" them to use a potty when they reach a certain age. We originally planned on Zaylen using the potty by 18 months. Cloth diapering helps a ton because the babies can feel when they are wet, not like their disposable counterparts. But we thought 18 months would be a great age. Well more recently I have discovered elimination communication. (This is the part where beaming rays of light come down from Heaven and you hear angels singing!) As I said earlier, it is a form of 'potty training', but for infants. I started this almost a week ago and we have had great success! I didn't want to build my hopes up, but I knew it wouldn't hurt if I gave it a try. Since starting this, Zaylen has not had a single poop in his diaper!!! Can you believe that?? I watch his cues (After he eats or drinks, after he wakes up, when he makes certain noises, and when he signs "potty") and I take him to the potty and sign to him, he will sign back and do this thing. During the day I rarely keep a diaper on him, and he has had only two accidents. I would say this works. I discovered that most undeveloped countries use this with all their children. The women carry their babies all day and they can sense when their baby has to relieve themselves. They don't depend on diapers to hold elimination, they follow cues their baby gives them. This is a very natural process and I am really excited to be on this journey with Zaylen!
Instictual parenting is very plain and simple. I follow my gut when it comes to Zaylen. I adore his pediatrician and I know we have the best of the best, but he doesn't always know what is best for my baby. He is there to guide me and help me make informed decisions, and we do agree on a lot, but when it boils down to it, he doesn't know Zaylen like I do. This style of parenting truly supports a mothers intuition. That is a powerful thing my friends! My intuition or gut feeling for Zaylen is so incredibly strong! Even Zak doesn't sense some of the things I do. A bond between mother and child is so precious, I can't even come up with the words to describe it. The Boober house is a 'cry it out-free zone'. We are heavily against the cry it out method. Momas, your baby isn't just crying just to cry. Crying is the only method for them to communicate until they reach an age where they can sign or talk. They cry because they are hungry, tired, sick, hurting, bored, irritated, confused, lonely, and 100 other reasons. And sometimes they cry because they just need you. We would hate to be in a room by ourselves left to cry it out, so why do we do that to our babies? It's because researchers and doctors have told us to. You have to let your baby cry it out because if you pick them up every time they cry they will become dependent. This is such a lie!!! If you get anything from this blog, please hear me on this, stop letting people with a title put fear into your lives! You are moma and you know best!! If you follow me on Instagram I'm sure you have seen my hashtag, moma knows best not doctors. It's true. Ladies we know what is best for our children. Doctors, researchers, and scientists are all great and some really have our childrens best interests at heart, but only we know our child inside and out and can make a sound decision what is best for them. So please follow your instict.
Attachment parenting is composed of the 7 b's: birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby wearing, bedding close to baby, belief in the language value of baby's cry, beware of baby trainers, and balance. Birth bonding is such an essential step. I have already shared my birth story, but I didn't share what happened after birth. Zaylen and I were naked for the longest time after he was born...and we still are. Kangaroo care is starting to make its way into American hospitals and I am so thankful for that! I was very blessed to give birth in a hopsital that was strict on this type of care. Before this new type of care (which is actually how thing have been done since the first day of life, and is still done in undeveloped countries) babies were forced under a bright light, their eyes were smothered in erythromicin, their tiny legs pumped with vitamin K, they were given a hepatitis shot followed by a bath, and then after seeing everybody in the hospital, they were finally taken to see their mother. Ugh. Every hopsital I know of still supports the shot, erythromicin, bath, ect., but what they are starting to do now is give the mother her baby first thing. Who would have thought? We opted out for everything besides the vitamin K injection. And that was the day after I gave birth. Why can't we just have our babies? Well it's because modern medicine and people with a title tell us we can't. I call bull again. Zaylen and I were skin to skin every single second unless someone else was holding him. We even had that bond at home every day for the first few weeks and to this day we share it every night together. Zaylen also didn't have a bath until he was two weeks old, I know it may sound nasty to some moms, but I felt the vernix on his skin was super important! And who wants to be introduced to this new world and all of a sudden have weird soap all over them?? I have already told my story about breastfeeding so I won't be repeating that. I am a firm believer in baby wearing. I wear Zaylen a lot. I wrap him up and put him on me when I do chores around the house, when we go for walks, and when we go out. I use the stroller for big days out and for long walks, but I cannot stand to see him in a car seat for too long, or sitting in a stroller everytime I need to do something out of the house. Wearing Zaylen gives him freedom to see things from my perspective, it allows me to be close to my baby and have a hand on him, and it gives us both a closer bond.
This next part is pretty touchy amongst mothers...bedsharing. We have a family bed. All four of us share a bed; Zak, Zaylen, Izzy and me. Zak and Izzy sleep on the couch some when Zak can't get comfy or if Zaylen wants to stay up and play, but we recognize our bed as the family bed. I have been through it with this topic. You would not believe the amount of "advice" I have gotten about how I shouldn't bedshare, it's dangerous, I will regret it later, I could kill my baby, it's the number one cause of SIDS. It is all lies, again. Lies, lies, lies. Bedsharing can be dangerous, but that is only when it is done improperly. I don't go to bed drunk, or high. I am not overtired. I do not smoke, neither is Zaylen around smoke. We do not have a water bed. The room stays at a nice cooler temperature. I practice bedsharing very safely. My son will not grow up wanting to sleep with me forever. I promise you he will be out of the bed by the time he is 18. Yes, that was extreme sarcasm. Zaylen will also not grow up and be completely dependant on me. Studies have actually proven children who bedshare are more independent than children who sleep alone. And for the record, bedsharing is absolutely NOT the number one cause of SIDS. SIDS is very scary and my heart goes out to every parent who has lost a precious life due to this horrible syndrom, but shouldn't we take the time and energy we spend on persecuting bedsharing mothers and use it towards finding the real reason why this occurs? I think so. Noone knows why this happens. From what I've researched and read, it happens more in cribs than in beds beside a mother. SIDS is referred to "crib or cot death" for a reason. I sleep with Zaylen for hundreds of reasons, but most importantly, I am able to sleep better and he is able to sleep better. My body controls his body temperature, I immediately wake up if he wakes up, I can tell when he rolls over, and he has better control of his breathing being beside of me. We both sleep better overall. I have bedshared since the day he was born and not one time have I had a single problem or scare.
I believe in the power of communication. Everything works better when we communicate, so naturally it's tough to have a healthy relationship when communication isn't there. As I said earlier, the only way a baby can communicate is through crying. Crying is so important in the infant stage, we learn so much about our babies when they cry. Although I know most of the reasons why Zaylen cries, I still hate to hear him cry. I want him to be able to express himself without resorting to an emotion. This is the part where baby sign language comes in. It is such a beautiful thing. Zaylen can already tell us when he wants a spoon (eat), when he wants water, and when he has to potty. That saves us diapers to clean, heartache over trying to figure out what he wants, and it give us a happier baby. Language is very important and I am thrilled that Zaylen is already picking up communication skills!
Most parents agree that when you bring a baby into the world you should make the baby adapt to your life. I don't agree with this. Zaylen and Zak and I are all in this together. We adapt to his needs and he adapts to our world, and this is a great relationship. We allowed Zaylen to make his own schedule. By not fitting him in our schedule, he was able to establish a perfect schedule from the time he was born. He was up a few times at night during the first 3-4 weeks, but since then he has been sleeping all night. Yes momas, all night. He wakes up once to eat and then goes right back to sleep. He has a great eating, potty, sleep, and play schedule, and it fits into our life perfectly! We are all about balance with Zaylen. There has to be balance in the home, in the mind, and in life in order to have peace and well being.
So there you have it, our style of parenting. We don't allow the media, doctors, or scientists and research articles to intimidate us into thinking we have to parent a certain way. We don't let fear sneak in and make us second guess our decisions. And although a lot people try to make us feel bad, or question what we are doing, we don't let them in our minds either. We are doing what we need to for our child and if people don't support that then it's their loss. Parenting isn't a one size fits all lifestyle. Every mother (parent) knows best for their child, this may not be what works for you and your family, but it works perfectly for us. I respect every mother for being who her children need her to be, even if that doesn't fit into our societys "norm." Please have the same compassion and respect for my family and others who make conscience decisions on how to parent. Even loving advice can come across as judgmental sometimes and we should all be aware of that. I hope you were able to understand why we do certain things with Zaylen and I pray that maybe this information will be in the back of some peoples minds when they want to be discouraging towards our parenting. I also hope you were able to get something out of this writing, whether it be inspiration, hope, or simply new ideas you haven't unfolded yet. I wish you all the best of luck with parenting your loving children, this is the toughest job in the world and we could all use each other's support. Thank you for your time, now go love on those little ones momas!!
xoxo
Cursty
The real duck commander
First time on the potty
Woke up and wanted to snuggle on Momas pillow
Almost crawling!
Sweet baby Zaylen
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