Dear 18 year old Cursty,

Slow down! You will look back on these days and have such mixed emotions. You will be disappointed, angry, confused, and you will regret a lot. In the end you will learn from these mistakes, but it isn't the type of learning you need. Focus more on school and family than parties and boys. Be kind instead of bratty. Be grateful instead of entitled. Slow down. Slow down, I cannot say this enough!

Family should come before anything. There are people you will deeply miss and wish you had one more day with. You can't get those days back. Take your sisters side over a friends, even if she is in the wrong. Always have your sisters backs. Be kind to your mother. You have no clue about the battles she faces, you will look back one day knowing the circumstances and be mad at yourself for not showing her grace. Don't be a negative influence in your brothers life. He looks up to you more than anything and showing him disrespect towards your parents isn't cool. Showing him things like skipping school for a tattoo and driving while texting aren't cool things, you will wish you could take these things back.

Recognize who your true friends are and ditch the losers. Those punks offering you pot aren't your real friends. The girls who are snuggling in bed with you reading the Bible are your true friends. These are the girls you remain close with six years later. Stop trying to please other people in order to fit in, if they don't want to be friends with you for who you are, they aren't worth your time. Treat your real friends like gold. Cherish every moment with them and always have their back.

That boy you're with doesn't love you for your spirit, he loves you for what you give him. Please stop now before you go down a huge cycle of regret and hurt. You are going to have the most amazing man as your husband one day and you will want to give him all of you, not just small broken pieces he has to pick up and put back together. I don't care if sex is cool. Stop now, please, I'm begging you. You don't need "experience." You need forgiveness and completeness. Please continue marching band, it's your senior year, your time to shine! Stopping something you are passionate about because of a boy is one of the dumbest things you will ever do. P.s. you're going to break up with him before the end of the year because he lied and ran off with another girl. Save your time and your heartache.

Just because it's legal doesn't means it's right for you. Please put down the cigarettes. You will develop asthma later, save your health and money now. Smoking isn't cool. You smell, you're sick, and you're stupid. Stop the underage drinking. It will do nothing but give you problems. That heart tattoo on your hip? Really?! Stay at school that day, you may not remember what you learned, but it would be a nicer memory than being in a smokey cheap tattoo shop. Throw away those nasty movies and CDs. Protect your eyes and ears. You don't need to listen to rappers talk about sex and drugs, you're 18! You don't need to watch dirty scenes and hear bad language. Protect your heart.

Stop growing up faster than you need to. Yes, certain circumstances have caused you to age a little faster, but don't push it anymore than need be. In no time you're going to be an adult with a husband, a son, two furry babies, a house, bills, responsibilities. Going to the grocery store alone will soon be a fun and exciting vacation for you. Soak in the days of not having cares. One day you will have cares for the rest of your life.

Most importantly, get right with God. What happened to that beautiful spirit? What happened to the girl who was radical? You let "stuff" get in the way. You allowed boys, partying, rebellion, and sin to step in and take control of your life. Man, you're going to really regret that. It's going to be hard taking that stuff back. You are going to spend years trying to forgive yourself and find your way back. Doing this simple thing now will save you so much heartbreak, anger, and resentment. Black and white turned to grey for you. Sex became okay. Remember a few years ago when you made a promise to yourself, your parents, and God that you would save yourself? That promise is broken...you're going to have to explain that to your husband one day and beg for his mercy and grace for throwing away his perfect gift. This won't be a short season for you. Doing these things now and telling yourself it's all okay will only lead to deeper things in college. That's a hard spot you will have to dig your way out of. Please do me a favor and save yourself the pain. Stop your act now and get right with God.

Cursty, I don't want to beat you down. I know you are doing good things right now, you make great grades, you were accepted to an outstanding university, and you've got a good head on your shoulders. But please stop with the bad things, they only lead to worse things. You will spend a lot of time regretting and wishing you could take back things. The worst thing about the past is that you can't erase anything. You can't take back any harmful words. You can't get back a day missed with a loved one. You can't change anything, but what you can do is grow from them. You will grow. You will have a deep relationship with God again. You will learn how to forgive yourself. You will learn all about grace and how deep grace will go to cover your worst mistakes. In the end you're going to be okay. I promise you will be okay. In the meantime though, go love on your moma. Kiss her and hug her. Snuggle with her and tell her how much you love her. Take your sisters with you when you go see your friends. Get your brother out of school another day and spend all day at Chuck E. Cheeses. Visit your grandparents more. Keep up the relationship with your stepdad, you will miss him and come crawling back to him one day. Stay away from boys, your husband is truly amazing and you will want all your firsts to be with him. Appreciate those good girlfriends, being hours apart won't be fun later. Just be yourself, you're the coolest person I know!


I'll see you in a few years!
24 year old Cursty



If you wrote a letter to your 18 year old self, what would you say?