Moments spent bouncing on the rocking horse and talking on his "phone" quickly disappear. Is it time for lunch already? Back to the highchair we go. What will it be today little one? Sweet potatoes, acorn squash, and beans sound yummy. I watch again as he uses those sweet fingers and tiny palm to scoop up what his tummy desires. This time, water and a wipe down accompany his meal. Are you tired little one? A nap sounds perfect. He takes his pappy in his small oval mouth, I drape a blanket his Memaw made over his 22 pound body. We curl up on Macs recliner like two puzzle pieces designed for each other. I sing to him, "duermete mi nino." Go to sleep my child. In his safe haven, he finally closes his eyes. Ahh, those eyes. Those bright blue eyes. They only see good in the world. They do not know pain or regret. Keep those eyes forever little one.
As he wakes up, I welcome him to the world again. We walk around and discover old and new sights. I show him pictures of his Mac and Memaw. He loves them. He visits Papa Hassie and Granny Hester. He cherishes them. He knows his aunts and uncles. His cousins are his best friends. We talk about life. I share with him what the world has to offer. I let him know I will always be there, thick and thin. He knows he is a child of God. I tell him he is loved, beyond measure. We sing, talk, play. He questions why the books are on the shelf, he pulls them down one by one and has a gentle taste of each. Sometimes he even decides that covers don't belong on books. We walk to the mailbox, he's not fond of the mailman, but he always smiles for the mail lady. Too soon my little one, too soon. We take our time walking back inside. The trees and birds ask for admiration.
Snack time comes, a baby mum mum and pureed vegetables it is. Now it's time for him to explore. While I start housework, little one plays with his four legged sisters. They chase each other and steal toys together. He finds a new drawer in the kitchen. He desires to feed from the dog dishes. The bookshelves catch his eye. He must find a way to open that door. The bathroom scale needs weight on it. The door stops long to make noise. The house is filled with laughter and amazement. Don't exhaust yourself little one, let's cuddle again and rest, quiet time is here. More moments on Macs recliner brighten my day. Little one loves hearing stories about his Mac.
Daddy is home. He opens his eyes and reaches for Daddy. They spend time together, learning from each other. Daddy plays with him in his room. Daddy throws him in the air, always embracing every ounce of him on his way back down. Dinner is prepared. What do you wish for this evening little one? Tofu, roasted carrots, and avocado are excellent choices. He quickly becomes a mess. That tiny bib and baby blue onesie come off. In the tub you go little one. Will you choose the orange dolphin or the purple octopus? Oh, both...plus a few rubber duckies. Great choice little one. I wash him down and he continues to play. Water brings him peace. I swaddle him in a soft, warm towel. We look in the mirror, I talk about how handsome he is. He will have an amazing self image one day. As I rub lotion on his flawless skin, we sing many songs. Praise songs, head-acher eye-winker, B-I-N-G-O. We also sing about the little piggies who go places. I show him his tiny toes, his patellas, and those bright blue eyes. Coconut oil goes on every cut and scrape. A fresh diaper and pajamas come next. We have a few minutes of more play time before a good night bottle and rocking. With a few rubs of his eyes and a yawn or two, I cradle him in my arms. We go back to Macs chair with his blanket and a warm bottle of almond milk. He drinks and is satisfied. Sometimes he chooses more play time, other times he closes those adorable eyes. Tonight he will fall asleep. He will curl up in the safety of his Moma and blanket, he will fall fast asleep. After rocking for sometimes hours, I finally lay him down to bed. His pajamas come off and he gets a new diaper. He stays sleeping. I finish my work for the day and spend time with his Daddy, then I follow into the bedroom. This is our sacred place. My clothes come off, I sneak into bed beside him. He follows my warmth and scent, he finds me. Tiny fingers clasp my arms and a small body digs into my chest. I am here little one. Every part of me is for you, take what you need. I am yours, you are mine.
I reflect on him. I think about the growth he made today. The choices he faced. The decisions and discoveries he made. I celebrate the milestones he accomplished. I thank God for giving me such a good and perfect gift. I thank God for his health. I ask God for his safety, health, and protection. My mind goes back to little one again. My life has completely changed. My movement has become tied with his. My days have become centered around him. My dreams are now his. The beauty in motherhood is that I get to spend the rest of my life as days like this; seeing how he responds, supporting his decisions and curiosity, protecting his vulnerability, praising his accomplishments, and devoting every ounce of time and love to him. He is pure, he is a miracle, he is intimately mine to devour. We are bound to each other. He is I, I am him. He is my son, and therefore half of me.
I drift off thinking of him. Thinking of how I can be a better mother tomorrow. Thinking of what I did to ever deserve something so precious and true. I am woken up by hungry whimpers and sometimes bad dreams. He needs milk, he needs his skin against mine. I serve him until his needs are met. We both drift back to sleep embracing each other.
I start the day being woken up by skin of silk pressing into my chest, light curls tossed under my chin...
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